what I want

I think I figured out what I want. It's the ability to say something to people in an informed way. I just finished a book called Cold New World. The author spent time in four different at-risk communities across the U.S. He spent most of his time concerned with youth, and how the current state of our culture effects them. It was a somewhat depressing book, because most of the conclusions he came to were pretty sad. But I really liked the fact that he had spent a lot of time doing research, and then made some great points. Here's an excerpt from the end of the book:

"What price are Americans willing to pay for social peace? This seems to me a central question. We jail the poor in their multitudes, abandon the dream of equality, cede more and more of public life to private interests, let lobbyists run government. Those who can afford to do so lock themselves inside gated communities and send their children to private schools. And then we wonder why the world at large has become harsher and more cynical, why our kids have become strange to us. What young people show us is simply the world we have made for them."

I'm always jealous of people who seem to really know what they're talking about, and find myself wishing I was an "expert" on some topic... That must be part of the reason I'm wanting to go to school. And I'm really excited about learning in general right now. So going to school seems like a good fit.

adventures in uncertainty

Seems like a catchy title. Guess I better make it a good post. The process of applying to grad school continues to roll along. Last Friday I had an interview at the school with a bunch of other prospective students. That was followed by a full day of introduction to the school by faculty and current students. It was an interesting process. There's no one-on-one interview with an admissions counselor or anything like that. It's just a group interview and then some writing. I think the interview went pretty well--hopefully I represented myself well. I wasn't trying to formulate the "right" answers, just speaking from my heart. I'm hoping that counts for something... Not so sure about the writing. They gave us an hour to respond to three different pieces of writing and art. I think I'm an ok writer, but the time constraint is what always gives me trouble. Guess I'll find out how I did in a couple of weeks.

I've decided to move forward with this process as if I actually know that I'm going and that I actually know what I'm doing. Both of those assumptions are perilous at best, silly at worst. But it's a good step for me. Usually I wait til I'm completely sure of myself before I take any steps. So it feels like a pretty big deal to be putting myself out there like this. I really do want to go to school, and I'm not sure what will happen if I don't get in.

Again, this decision wasn't just something that I came to on my own. Many good friends have given invaluable encouragement to me over the last 6 months, which has helped give me the courage to do this. Seems like that's what we're supposed to do--be with each other in the midst of struggle, not let each other settle for mediocrity, remind each other what we're called to. I'm thankful for friends who do all of those for me.