more of the same (thankfully)

Lately I've been thinking about how God keeps bringing up the same things in my life. Over and over. I'm almost 30 and it feels like I've been thinking/dealing/ worrying about the same things I did 10 years ago. I'm grateful that God doesn't just quit on me. If I had a friend that kept acting the fool for 10 straight years I'd probably shove him under a bus or something. Ok, probably not, but I'd at least ignore him.

Today I spent a good portion of the afternoon and evening writing an essay for an application for grad school. Who knows if I'm actually going to go (or even get accepted) but it's something I've been thinking about for a long time, so it seemed like I should at least apply and see what happens. I haven't written anything "formal" since graduating from Taylor about eight years ago. Definitely felt a little out of practice, but it turned out ok. The nature of the essay forced me to (again) think about my life and my story. It reminded me of how much I have changed, and how much more I still want to change. (I'd provide a link to the essay, but I'm not quite sure enough of myself to do that... sorry about that. but if you ask me nicely I might let you take a look...) Once more I'm grateful to God that He is patient with me and walks with me through my uncertainties, fears, and confusion. And I don't say that lightly, because I know how difficult it can be to walk with someone through those times. It takes a confidence rooted in something very solid to have conversations about pain, suffering, uncertainty, and mystery--knowing that a lot (most?) of the time answers are hard to come by. That's what God is for me--a rock who can handle all of my confusion. I don't want to be "God" for anyone, but I do have the desire to be a better friend, a better listener. Guess that's part of the reason I'm applying to school.