a good day. and some other thoughts.

Today was a great day for me. It's been a very up-and-down week for me, so today was a nice day to just be with Amanda and Zara at home. We went for a walk this morning to the U-district farmers market, which is always fun. Then Zara and I went to Cowen Park and played there for an hour or so. This afternoon I made a big vat of beef stew, which was excellent, if I do say so myself... Then finally tonight I watched Ohio State dismantle Iowa in football.

I felt pretty moody this week. Even hour to hour it seemed like I went from an extreme high to an extreme low. I was definitely feeling a lot of pressure as we've started up DTS again. The weeks leading up to DTS were good ones--not feeling too much stress, and mostly excited about the coming months. But I think once our students arrived it really hit me--how much my schedule/life was being radically altered. There were certainly moments this week where I didn't think it was worth it. But then there were so many more moments when I was reminded of why I do this... We had a couple days where we all shared our stories--where we've come from, and what issues we're dealing with coming into these next six months. There were moments where darkness was brought out into the light and exposed for what it was, taking away some of its power; Moments that gave me hope for the people around me (and for myself) to move towards becoming the people that Christ made us to be, allowing us to live our lives based on the understanding that we have One who is continually FOR us, despite what our circumstances may have led us to believe.

And this is where the ambivelance of it all smacks me in the face. I want so much to be a part of this kind of change in peoples' lives, but at the same time I want to run from it. It's hard work, and I don't like feeling like I don't have all the answers. I think that for me the real enjoyment comes when I humble myself, realizing that it's not up to me to make people change, or "help" them.