constants are changing

I ripped off this title from a song by a band called Boards of Canada. You should check them out.

I'm using this title in reference to myself... A few of the things about me that I've considered "constants" up until now are far less static than they were even a few weeks ago. Often, when I describe myself I use characteristics that I don't like about myself, but that I feel are "just the way I am." The same idea extends to the way I view myself in my marriage and other relationships. Sometimes I feel resigned to the way I am, as if I need to just give in to the way I am, the patterns I've established in relating to people, and for what I can hope for. I don't like this resignation. The lack of hope for change in me has cheated Christ out of His power of redemption.

My first step in addressing this is to bring some of these feelings I have about myself into the light. To remain in isolation is to let these feelings and thoughts grow, allowing them to rule me, have power over me. I'm done with that. I'm tired of what that way of dealing with things has resulted in... I'm tired of how it's effected my marriage, and I'm scared for how it could effect my relationship with Zara.

Grace has to be a constant companion of mine on this journey. I have to give myself grace to make mistakes along the way. And I have to trust that those around me will also extend grace to me.